Dear Friends,
I’ve debated how I’d say this for quite some time now, when I’d say it, and to whom – and now I’m at the point where I’m just going to do it.
I have been struggling with something my entire life and have finally started addressing it. I am transsexual. My mind does not match my anatomy. Most people don’t have to deal with these discrepancies, but I do. This isn’t a feeling, a wish, or a choice – it is something hardwired into me, my gender identity, my innate sense of who I am. This will never go away, and as I’ve grown older it has only grown worse. It is not something that can be “talked out” or treated with psychoactive drugs and/or therapy (I speak from lengthy experience). My body and mind are simply a mismatch and I am pursuing the only known effective treatment: transition.
For the last two and a half months I have been taking female hormones and testosterone blockers. You might’ve noticed changes in me over that time. I’ve slimmed down, shown up at Owen earlier in the morning, drank less, and felt better than ever before. Things are changing, for the better. I am still going to be pretty much the same person – just different, happier, and more open. I am not going away, I am growing into myself.
So when will this take place? It’s a gradual process so it will take several months, but I hope to complete my transition before we graduate. There is still a lot for me to do, and the hormones will take several months to really produce noticeable effects.
What is going to change? Wikipedia has a pretty comprehensive and accurate list of hormone replacement therapy effects here.
Who else knows? My family, my friends from home, my roommates, and now most of the class of 2012 (BCC’d in this email).
Why am I coming out now? Because I am tired of being one person when I talk to those who know and a completely different one when I’m at Owen. The façade is too much for me to maintain any longer.
I know this is a big shock and a lot to take in. It took me 20 some years to really make peace with it and start what I have to do to be happy with myself, so I don’t expect it to be something you will immediately embrace. If you need some time and space to process this, I understand.
If you have any questions, even ones you might think are stupid, or want to talk, I’m more than willing to do so. I have nothing left to hide.
I’ve also CC’d [redacted] from the Vanderbilt LGBTQI Center, who has graciously volunteered to answer questions you might have (which might be helpful if you don’t feel comfortable asking me just yet).
If you’ve read this far, thank you. I look forward to spending the next year together.
1 comment:
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Danielle:
I found your videos randomly as they appeared in a 'next' queu. Your 'aw shucks' presentation is personable and well-spoken while you are - obviously - well-educated. Civilians may not quite realise that to go through transition as we do requires much self-education, introspection, philosophy, logic. Those of us who can are also educated beyond high school; I went as far as doing independent research at medical school.
You were lucky to do so well starting a little bit 'older' yet still young enough that 'T' did not hit you as hard as it does to others.
Allow me to share. I started M-F transition early (age 18), went through a delayed puberty that did not hit until a year or so (age 22) before beginning ERT (age 23), lived my last few years as 'male' in transition to female (23 - 27), had an exploratory confirming inter-sex female then had GCS (age 26), ERT essentially reverted me to when I appeared female pre-puberty (my 'male fail' years - age 26 - 27) until I went female full-time forever (age 28).
One regret. My transition was back during the 1970s and early 1980s - there was no digital photography. I would have so wanted to have made such a pictorial montage as you, but those were days of film processing - expensive compared to digital.
Is your 'Donor Card' T-shirt a real statement or just a pun that I miss? I am a Red Cross 'Baby Brigade' donor of nearly nine gallons. I have my will stating my body goes to organ donations and science rather than worm food.
Please continue with your posts. One request - please do something to increase the volume record levels. My PC volume is all the way high and so is the on-screen audio level yet you are still barely loud enough to hear on most vlogs Thank you.
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