Leelah Alcorn's suicide and her haunting note have made headlines everywhere. It is finally too hard for the cis-hetero mainstream to ignore a trans death.
It is easy to point out that parental support/encouragement could have or would have changed the outcome, because the outcome could not have been worse. Data from the National Trans Discrimination Survey (NTDS) and the Family Acceptance Project shows trans and LGBT individuals who live in supportive households tend to have more positive outcomes than those who don't. Data also suggests there's a high correlation between how religious a family is and how likely that family is to disown their LGBT child.
Some think the parents should be blamed, even prosecuted, for sending Leelah to Christian based reparative therapy and using religion as justification to keep her from transitioning. Her parents did not help her much beyond the basic necessities they're legally required to provide (food, shelter, etc). Reparative/conversion therapy is obviously wrong, but unfortunately the law doesn't think so in most states. So maybe her parents' religion will help them grow from the involvement they had in her death. Or maybe their God will punish them for not loving her unconditionally. Either way, focusing on them and their religious justification for intolerance seems to miss the point.
Parents are given wide latitude in how they raise their kids, including medical care, and that's the case regardless of religion.
- What is the appropriate age or circumstance is to give a minor agency over their body?
- Where/when should the state intervene on a child's behalf?
- What is the best way to end reparative/conversion therapy?
- How should parents react to an LGBT child coming out to them?
- How should the church react? (Hint: like this Catholic preacher)
- How can we make the entire spectrum of gender expression and identity less taboo?
These are questions worth discussing. Accusing parents of murder (or manslaughter) because they did not properly treat a condition and that may have subsequently contributed to someone's suicide... I don't know. Just because I don't want that to become the narrative doesn't mean I am empathizing with bigots or misplacing my sympathies, it just means there are other things to talk about too.
Suicide is complicated. It is sad that Leelah wasn't able to talk to someone to get the help she desperately needed. Support could have saved her life. Hopefully the ensuing discussion can help save others, because 41% of trans people reported attempting suicide in the NTDS. For reference, that's 10x to 20x the attempt rate for the overall population (2-4%, depending on the source). In the NTDS, 45% of trans youth reported attempting suicide - which is more than 5x the overall attempt rate for youth (8%).
While 51% of respondents who experienced family rejection attempted suicide, another 32% of respondents who did have family acceptance also attempted suicide. Family support clearly helps, but it's not always enough on its own. There are many factors correlated with suicide among trans people in the NTDS, including:
- Experiencing physical assault - 61%
- Experiencing sexual assault - 64%
- Experiencing discrimination in the workplace - 51%
- Lack of acceptance in school environment - 51% (59%-79% if it's from teachers)
- Not visually conforming or 'passing' (being seen by others as your true gender) - 44%
- Being generally out - 44%
Trans suicide has been a problem that the mainstream has not really discussed until more recently. This is why it's disappointing that people (especially cis people) focus on attacking religion and its impact on parenting. While those things can play a part - they also ignore other aspects of the trans experience that put pressure on our youth.
Transition is medically necessary. Unfortunately, access to care is still limited and often difficult to use when/where it it is available. Many of us believe like Leelah (reddit username: nostalgiaprincess) that we're not as pretty/passable as we could have been if we transitioned earlier. It is exceptionally painful to go through male puberty as a trans woman and see your body change in ways you don't want it to, especially when some of those changes are irreversible. When you're a young trans woman, one more year of male puberty seems like being sentenced to a lifetime of hell. It is the ultimate fear of missing out, especially when you can see beautiful young trans girls increasingly becoming success stories in the media. If you know that transition is right for you, you should be allowed to access it, regardless of your age, regardless of what a therapist thinks. This is the premise for informed consent, and I fully support it. It is not the end of the world if you start late - but you shouldn't be forced to wait.
Hormones, surgery, romantic partners, starting young, passing, privilege - these things don't change the fact that we are trans. However, they become much more vital after we're told that if you pass, then you can avoid some or even a lot of the bad stuff that comes with being trans.
It seems Leelah believed she would never be beautiful, and that as a result, she would be lonely and unlovable. Transition was trading one set of problems for another. Leelah (nostalgiaprincess) wrote:
This is another one of her comments in the same suicide watch thread:
Maybe that's fitting though. Sometimes it feels as though the trans community mourns trans status like one would death. After all, if you're trans and you don't kill yourself, someone else will, right? In another post on reddit Leelah said:
I have to point out that 1:12 is inaccurate. If 1:3,000 or so people are trans, that would be ~8,300 trans murders per year (22+ per day) in the United States. That's not the case. But to be clear, any violence is wrong regardless of how often it occurs. Trans people, especially trans women of color, are disproportionately impacted by violence and discrimination compared to both the general population and the broader LGBT population. The point isn't that Leelah was exaggerating - it's that Leelah (and many of us just like her) view being trans as an inescapable punishment.
Being trans isn't easy, but it isn't a death sentence either. Her parents could've told her that. They should've worked tirelessly to dispel these thoughts. They didn't. Then again, her parents, like most cis people, don't really understand the trans community.
Many passable trans women "go stealth" (hide their trans status from the public) because it is easier and safer if you blend in with society. This seems logical because you can't be discriminated against for being trans if people don't know you're trans. However, humans are bad at predicting future happiness. When we say things like "if only I was passable, post-op, hadn't been robbed of my female childhood, more attractive, etc; then life would be so much better" - we don't know that for sure. We are miswanting.
If only fuels the kind of internalized transphobia Julia Serano and Laverne Cox write about, that just about every trans woman feels at some point. If only we were more feminine - wouldn't our lives be great? But even stealth and passing come with their own versions of hell. If you rely on passing you often spend your time worrying about what will happen if/when your trans status becomes known. Maybe you even worry that if your status is disclosed to a lover, you'll end up as one of the names on the annual Trans Day of Remembrance. Your murderer, if brought to court, will get off after using the gay panic defense.
Many trans people (myself included) argue that stealth helps perpetuate the condition that trans people find themselves in because it tacitly condones it. The response is usually, "We are women, not trans women; transition is something we do, not who we are" as if these two things must be mutually exclusive. Stealth is a personal choice and people who choose it don't deserve judgment. The idea that trans people should disclose their trans status is wrong as that robs them of agency. But how can trans people make distinctions between 'trans woman' and 'woman' that aren't also inherently transphobic? What message does this send?
Keep in mind that not everyone can pass. Not everyone can be stealth. Not everyone can access surgery. What happens to them? Tough shit, bootstrap it? Live the rest of your lives as visibly trans women? It's not quite the same if you're only treated as a woman on paper.
Experiencing transphobia from anyone, especially your parents, is devastating. However, many experience it from/within the trans community. Trans women insult other trans women by deliberately misgendering them. Post-op transsexuals argue pre-ops "aren't real women." Non-ops call trans vaginas mutilated genitals. We complain that older/manlier/uglier transitioners make us look like "freaks in dresses." We suggest that maybe they stick to using the men's room, or at least a gender neutral one. That they're not trying hard enough with their presentation. That they're spending their money on the wrong things when they get sexual reassignment surgery instead of facial feminization surgery. We argue who should (and shouldn't) be included under the labels "trans" and "transgender."
This doesn't mean trans people oppress ourselves, because we don't. This doesn't mean the internalized transphobia within the the trans community is more toxic than the external transphobia forced upon us by the heterocispatriarchy, because it isn't. This doesn't mean we should shift or absolve blame in the case of Leelah Alcorn or any trans suicide, because we shouldn't.
We don't have to make it all sunshine and rainbows, but if we want to fix society, it's not enough to just call out everyone else on their bullshit transphobia. We have to call it out among the LGBT community and the trans community too. That's being a #RealLiveTransAdult.
No comments:
Post a Comment