coming out in the new york times

So I was in a story in the NY Times this week. No big deal, right?

The article talks about my coming out as trans to my classmates at Vanderbilt's Owen Graduate School of Management, something I blogged about in my Queering the MBA series on OwenBloggers (see link widget to the right). The article also talks about other trans MBA students and their experiences in business school (one of which is described in a little more depth in the Atlantic Monthly).

Revisiting that letter and moment in time brought back memories of how I felt after coming out to them and what they said in response. It's kind of nice to have all of that documented because it's easy to forget how far I've come. When I reread the letter and those blogposts I notice things I'd say differently or leave out, things that were probably the result of internalized transphobia. As that fades further into the past it's harder and harder to remember and relate to the person I was then.

When the reporter asked me if there were any reactions that 'stood out to me' for their notoriety, I thought back to all those emailed responses that I saved and the people who sent them. The southerner with the jacked up truck who said he'd kill anyone who gave me shit. The emails I received from Owen alums who were the only LGBT person in their class when they were students. The girl who left me a tube of Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer in my locker after I'd asked her how she managed to never look tired. The girl who'd worked on a GOP campaign who used female pronouns during a presentation when I wasn't expecting it. The girls who took me out for my first birthday as Danielle. The one who asked me 'what took so long?' when I finally started using the women's restroom instead of the single-stall bathrooms in the library (that was my own choice rather than any position of the school). The professor who pulled me out of a session to demand that I not let the boys talk over me and went out of her way to help me figure out how to be a young woman in business.

The reporter also asked me about coming out work, and that wasn't nearly as interesting (as the video I made about it probably shows).

He asked a lot of questions about a lot of things, stuff I will think, write, and vlog about over the next few months. Stealth came up, as did identifying as a woman instead of as a trans woman (as others described in the article). I replied that I didn't see the two as mutually exclusive but that I recognized it was a personal choice. I also pointed out that stealth isn't a choice available to everyone and that it's hard to help someone wondering if they'll be able to have a successful transition or even figure out how to transition if there aren't many (if any) examples in the media.

I talked about why I thought there were so few trans people in business school and how the numbers (and the circumstances around discrimination against trans people) make it unlikely to see too many of us in the top MBA programs, let alone any program. I discussed how I thought we could fix that problem - by reaching trans youth to help them overcome and/or avoid those issues.

I emphasized that I'd had a a privileged experience as a trans person, which is why I felt a sense of obligation to be engaged in the community. Others may not feel the same way and that's okay. Some people don't have the choice or the means to attend business school and receive the benefits that it brings with it in both the short and long term (like access to employers with trans inclusive policies and benefits).

So it goes without saying, but I think it's our job to help them get there.